'I HAD THE STRESS OF THE WORLD':
A REPORT ON YOUNG FATHERS IN MASSACHUSETTS
MONEY
A minority of participants paid court-ordered child support to the mothers of their children. Nevertheless, eighty-two percent of participants said they give money to their child's mother on a regular basis, though by "regular" some meant only that they give often, not that they give at established intervals. Nor were the payments always in cash; many of the fathers preferred to buy clothes or toys for their child instead, a practice meant to ensure that the mother could not spend the money on herself. Indeed, many focus group participants believed that child support money should be spent only on the child and seemed unaware it could also legitimately be used to pay general household expenses. Many also misunderstood the child-support enforcement system and the penalties for not paying child support, which several young men believed routinely includes imprisonment.
Sometimes I give (my son's mother) a hundred, two hundred dollars. And the next thing you know, a week later, I see her with new sneakers, new clothes, and probably a new jacket. Like last week I gave her twenty dollars. This week I went to the house. She's got the Jordans, a new whole sweatsuit. Come on, where did the money come from?
I don't got no problem with paying child support. If only that money can go to a bank and stay there for when my son grows up. The mother don't touch it at all. She don't touch it at all.... I buy (him) new sneakers. I buy him clothes and everything. They're expensive clothes. I send him food, you know. So why do you need to touch that money? He's only what? He's three years old, and you get that money every month. I wish I was three years old and getting two hundred dollars every month. I would be living high.
The baby's mother got welfare, but we can't get no welfare. We're men, we have to go out there and work, put food on the table, put clothes on our kids' backs, and we have to do so many things at one time that nobody sees it, and they're quick to judge you on your actions that you did before, to prejudge you. Sometimes you try to prove something, but you can only prove so much.
I know some fathers that sometimes they have to go out into the streets and sell drugs. It's not the best thing that I'm proud of, but I had to put food in my kid's stomach. I regret doing it but it came down to that one time, and I had to do it. Nobody would give me a job, everything was falling apart.
I see my daughter whenever her mother feels like it. Sometimes I see her once a month. And that hurts. Sometimes she'll just bring her and it will be like, 'Oh, the baby needs diapers, the baby need this, the baby needs that.' Like her birthday was on Tuesday. I told her I'm going to throw her - I'm going to cut her cake and throw her a little party. She goes, 'Oh, yeah, because I don't have no money. So you have to.' I don't want to feel obligated - I want to do it because I want to.
After awhile, they rip you ... on the child support thing, you know. The way I got around it so I don't have to pay it no more, my man told me the only thing you have to do is get your girl to give you joint custody. Both of you-all have joint custody. If you have joint custody, you don't have to pay child support. You just got to, you know, just like be there.... Whenever you have the kid it's your responsibility to take him, you know, whatever he needs. When she has him, it's her responsibility. Each and every one of my kids, I got joint custody with all of them. So, if I was to break up and we was to go our separate ways, she can't take me ....
My baby call me every week, and tell me, 'I need this or that,' or 'I need this much.' I ask her for what, and she tells me for what, and I just go get it, know what I'm saying?
I don't go without. My son's first, but even after he's paid for, I'm still happy. I make enough money so that we can both be happy. But I think if I didn't have a child, I'd be rich. Every two months he goes through a pair of sneakers, that's forty bucks. I just bought him a sixty-dollar winter jacket. I just had to outfit him, that was four hundred dollars, and I outfit him every five months, take him out every five months for clothes. It adds up.
You've got to take care of your kid. If you love your kid, it shouldn't be a problem, but it is tough at the same time because we've all got wants. We want stuff, I mean. It's got to be delayed getting it, unless you care about yourself and not the kid. But it's tough.
I send her two hundred dollars a month. She goes, 'Why do I get a hundred, or sometimes seventy-five?' I say, 'Because you're stupid. You got me in child support. They deduct the other money. You're on welfare.' They split it, and then whatever they got left, they send it to her.
If you're working for six months, you're paying child support every week and they're taking it out of your check - it's all good. (Then) you're out of work, you don't get a job for like another six months. There should be some kind of way where you can (say): 'I'm out of a job right now,' you know what I'm saying? Like slow down the payments or something until I get back on my feet. (But instead) they just pass it on. And by the time six months is up and you finally get another job, you owe them probably like five or six hundred dollars. You always end up owing them, either way you do it.
It's hard basically, because you got a child, you know.... You got no income, society beating down on your back, want you to support your child. If you don't, you got to go into court. If it don't come up you're paying it, you get locked up, and then you just keep repeating yourself. That's how it is.
Introduction | The Project | Their Own Fathers | Becoming A Father | Life With Children | Family Conflict | Violence and the Children | In School | Money | The Law | Housing | Jobs and Dream Jobs | Improving the System | Findings | Recommendations