'I HAD THE STRESS OF THE WORLD':
A REPORT ON YOUNG FATHERS IN MASSACHUSETTS
THE LAW
Problems or potential problems with the law was a dominant theme in the lives of many focus group participants, and indeed most had been arrested - often for assault and battery or similar offenses - at least once. For some, the problems were related to school and gangs, for others, to their relationship with the mother of their child, who was frequently perceived to wield most of the power in the relationship, including the power to have them arrested on trumped-up charges at will. Although often the young men no longer engaged in the illegal activity that had led to earlier arrests, some fathers, particularly the older ones, complained about the unwillingness of "the system" to trust them again, even though they had grown up and become responsible.
You can't change where you come from, but you can always change where you go. As soon as these kids come into your life, and you find yourself with a heart, you know, you're not doing the things you were doing before. And then when you want to try to go back and get your children, because they're in danger or something ... your past follows you the rest of your life, and it really shouldn't. It should start, in my eyes, as soon as the child comes into your life, and you decide, 'This is my future, and this is my life, and I'm not going to do anything that I've done in the past no more.' That's a whole new life. That's like a rebirth for you as well. (In court) they say, 'Oh, you have a past. You were violent in the past. Why would we give your children to you when in the past you were violent?' And they don't look at that for seven, eight years you haven't been in no trouble, that you're a totally new person.
Once you get locked one time, there goes your whole life. They look, they look to try to find some excuse not to give you a job.
A lot of guys have a chance of winding up behind bars because all the lady has to do is call the police and say the - something that didn't even happen, but all they have to do is say it and the police have to take their word for it. (Once a police officer) came in and kicked the door down and started screaming at me and almost hit me. When it comes to women playing with men who want to be involved with their children, then that's (hard) because that's their manhood.
My only trouble is being harassed all the time. Early in the morning, you just want to fight them 'cause they just (say): 'What you doing?' 'I'm going to school. You see me here every morning.' They locked me up for trespassing. The cop, he told me to get on the bus. This is at Forest Hills. He goes, 'Go get on the bus.' All right, the bus ain't even come yet. I'm standing at the stand, waiting for the bus. It's two of 'em. They walked away, go out of sight. Come back 15 minutes later: 'What are you still doing here?...Let's go, you're with us.'....They walked up, one grab this arm, one grab this arm. They didn't even cuff me yet, they just lifted me a little. They like: 'Trespassing.'
Introduction | The Project | Their Own Fathers | Becoming A Father | Life With Children | Family Conflict | Violence and the Children | In School | Money | The Law | Housing | Jobs and Dream Jobs | Improving the System | Findings | Recommendations