'I HAD THE STRESS OF THE WORLD':
A REPORT ON YOUNG FATHERS IN MASSACHUSETTS
IMPROVING THE SYSTEM
Just over half of the group participants said they have not received all the help they need as fathers, and another 13 percent were unsure whether they have. Eighty percent said that young fathers, like young mothers, need support, and 67 percent said they could be a better father if they got some help. The forms of assistance mentioned tended to be related to increased opportunity rather than direct financial support. Participants, for instance, spoke of the need for more jobs; better teachers; more accessible job training; additional help for mothers; parenting classes; family dispute mediation; and affordable housing. Asked what the most helpful thing anyone had done for them since becoming a parent, the overwhelming response was the gift of love and support. In fact, almost three-quarters of the young fathers said family - his parents or her parents - had been a "big help" with the baby.
In my situation, one of the biggest things ... for support would be maybe some kind of young-mother training where it could help them get back on their feet. (My child's mother) just got off welfare just recently. That was one of the things that made it harder for me.
I'm single, you know, I live by myself. She has her boyfriend, her income, and her boyfriend lives with her, so she's got his income plus what I pay for child support. I wish there would be some kind of system where they could evaluate that all the time, because they don't look at that. I mean, it looks to me like she's on easy street.
To me, my only option was leaving school to make money. If I had someone show me the way, you know, workshop things, like, 'If you stay in school, you can do this, you can do that. Here are the options. Weigh them up.' Because right now, there are people in high school - there are teenagers having sex - and some of those people are going to get pregnant, and there's going to be fathers coming out of the high school. Where are they going to go? Is there going to be a place where they can go for advice?
I want job training that trains you and gets you to that job. We don't have no information.... I wouldn't know where to go (to get it). Wait for a commercial to come on TV. Just sit there and watch TV and wait for a commercial.
You'll never be a professional parent. You could be a parent for thirty-five years and you'd still be learning something every day. But if there were classes, I'd go over to the class.... I didn't know how to put on a diaper, I didn't know how to heat up a bottle, I didn't know how to mix that oatmeal stuff up, I didn't know none of that.
What we need is things for our kids to do that don't cost anything, or don't cost very much. My son's in the Little League, and to get him in there, I had to be a coach. That's good, I mean I like it, but you can't always do that just to get your kid in something.
One 20-year-old father with a particularly troubled past found that his experience with Youthbuild, an education and job training program, had turned him around:
When I was younger, you know, I had a crazy life, so I didn't care about nothing. Now I'm in this program trying to see the light and become somebody so my son can look up to me and say, 'If my Dad can do it, I can do it.'
Other fathers complained about the human services system, finding it bureaucratic and impersonal. The following remarks were typical:
I wrote the Department of Social Services, and they wrote me back and said what I wrote them wasn't clear. I'm like, 'What do you mean?' It was to the point. I had names, dates, everything in there. I just got blown off, you know what I mean?
I've been paying child support since day one every year. Now I owe three hundred and something dollars. And I try to figure it out, and it's like you've got to write to someone. And if you don't get the right response, there's no way you can sit down with them and just say, 'Look, I'm having this problem. Can you help me out and get through it?' I think they need to educate you on the process so that way you're equipped with the knowledge and you know what to do.
Introduction | The Project | Their Own Fathers | Becoming A Father | Life With Children | Family Conflict | Violence and the Children | In School | Money | The Law | Housing | Jobs and Dream Jobs | Improving the System | Findings | Recommendations