The vast majority of group participants became fathers in the context of established girlfriend/boyfriend relationships, and very few planned their children. None of the young men said they seriously considered marriage upon learning of their girlfriend's pregnancy; indeed, almost all participants agreed with the statement that "having a baby isn't a good enough reason to get married." The most common reaction of the young men to learning of impending fatherhood was a predictable one: stress and confusion.

It was like a whole bunch of things just hit me at once, when I found out. I had just got out of jail, and I lost this job, and me and my mother wasn't on good terms, me and my family, actually. I didn't know how I was gonna tell them, and I wasn't doing good in school, so it was like everything just come at once. I was just stressing. I just laid low for a while.

Her mom made her take the pregnancy test. She took it, and her mom flipped out on me. Oh man, she was not nice.... She said, 'You knocked up my daughter, now you're going to take responsibility. If you don't pay, she's gonna attach the check,' and all this and that. (But) the next thing I know, my girl said, 'You need to take a blood test.' I'm like, 'What you mean, blood test? I'm the only one been up in there, right?' And she's like, 'No.' I was like, 'Oh my God.'

I'd only known her like two, three weeks. It was just like the week after I turned 14. She called up and said 'I'm pregnant.' I said, 'Who's the father?'

The way it hit me was, you know what I'm saying, I'm going to be a father. That's a big responsibility. And her, she wasn't trying to get nothing. First she was saying she's going to go to Arizona. And that's when I flipped. Like, 'Listen, mother, you ain't going nowhere, not with my child.' And she was like, 'Well, I shouldn't have told you, I should of just went on and moved or whatever,' and we had a conflict about that. Like, how the hell you gonna just move out there and not let me know I have a child? What, you gonna bring me 10 years later on Jerry Springer, tell me I've got a kid? Come on now.' ... I was just confused. I didn't know how to tell anybody, what to do.

I got out (of jail), school wasn't going too good, family, all kinds of stuff, just mass stress was hitting me. Court dates, everything. Probation on my back. Everything was just hitting me at once. No financial support at that time. I had none of that. I just had to get my priorities straight. That's why I was mass stressed.

Introduction | The Project | Their Own Fathers | Becoming A Father | Life With Children | Family Conflict | Violence and the Children | In School | Money | The Law | Housing | Jobs and Dream Jobs | Improving the System | Findings | Recommendations